How and Why to Validate

Re-reading QBQ is affecting me. (That’s a good thing.) How about you?

I’m remembering what I learned in a workshop on marriage many years ago. It absolutely applies to our conversations with buyers.

Validate.

When buyers (or anyone else for that matter) share their feelings on anything, resist the impulse to take over the conversation with personal tales that trumps theirs. And you absolutely need to resist the temptation to jump in quickly with a solution to their problem. As John Miller says in QBQ:

…communication does not only mean being understood, but also understanding the other person. The QBQ is, ‘How can I better understand you?’ “

Validating your buyer’s feelings means to show genuine interest and ask for more. More detail. More feeling behind the event. Some sample statements and questions you might make are:

That must have been frustrating.

Why is that?!

How did that make you feel?

Then what happened?

I can imagine how you felt when that happened?

Tell me more about that.

So how did it all end up?

What were they thinking?

When you validate your buyer’s — or any other person’s — feelings, you say to them: I value how you feel. I empathize with you. I want to go through this with you. You show people you care.

Among the best QBQs you can ask yourself is: “How can I show this person I care about them and want the best for them?”